As we discussed missionary hero stories over dinner, my husband said he didn’t think anyone would buy a book about a missionary family putting in four tedious years in training and two years traversing their country to raise support, then spending their first term slogging through language school while suffering from one illness after another and quickly coming home. Maybe not.
Trying to be helpful, he asked ChatGPT for a more balanced picture of missionary life. Here how AI sees it (lightly edited). Let me know if it makes you grin or cringe. Probably both?
A survival guide for the called, the curious, and the culturally confused
A is for airport – where all missionaries cry, say goodbye, and question their calling, often five times a year.
B is for bugs – in your bed, in your rice, in your ear, but mostly in the stories that will seem funny later.
C is for convert – the one person who actually came to Jesus during your first term and who is now your pastor.
D is for dysentery – because the Great Commission includes great bowel movements.
E is for evangelism – sometimes it’s street preaching… sometimes it’s eating weird food while waiting for someone to ask a spiritual question.
F is for fundraising – or is it sanctified begging?
G is for goat – you’ll eat it, pray over it, and once, you’ll ride it.
H is for hospitality – when someone gives you their only chicken, and you realize you’re eating dinner and their income.
I is for interpreter – because your attempt to say, “God loves you” came out as “Your pig is on fire.”
J is for jet lag – the spiritual gift of being awake at 3 a.m. for no reason.
K is for kid – the one who calls you “aunt” or “uncle” after four minutes of conversation and one piece of candy.
L is for luggage – the stuff that made it to Nairobi, but not to your village.
M is for mosquitoes – tiny missionaries of malaria. Anointed. Persistent. Demonic.
N is for nationals – the people who teach you that this was never about you.
O is for outreach – involving skits, puppets, and a donkey that wasn’t part of the plan.
P is for prayer letter – a monthly guilt trip in 500 words or less.
Q is for quarantine – because someone brought back something from the jungle.
R is for reentry – when you return home and cry in the cereal aisle because there are too many brands.
S is for supporters – people who send checks and ask if you’re “still doing that missionary thing.”
T is for team conflict – because iron sharpens iron, and sometimes stabs it.
U is for unreached – the people group you went to reach, only to find out your neighbor back home was one, too.
V is for visa – that magical document that determines if you’re on a mission or on vacation.
W is for water – if you can drink it without boiling it, blessing it, or fearing it, you’re not on the field.
X is for xenophile – you loved the culture until the third power outage.
Y is for yes – what you said to everything, until your immune system said no.
Z is for Zoom – how you now do missions, conferences, and spiritual warfare.